Don’t Forget the Sweet Talk
By: Amanda Idleman
How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves. - Song of Songs 1:15
If you're familiar with the five love languages, then you have probably already heard how important words of affirmation are for healthy relationships but how good are you at actually taking the time to tell your spouse how much you admire them? If you read the book of Song of Songs, it’s packed full of steamy dialogue between the couple the text is all about. Pay attention closely to their story and you’ll notice that before there is any physical intimacy between the two (which does occur in this scandalous book of the Bible) there was a lot of complementary and flirtatious talk between the two of them. In this story, the Bible paints a picture of what the road to intimacy should look like. Intimacy begins with dialogue.
As time passes in a marriage it’s easy to skip the sweet talk and go straight to checking off sex on the to-do list. When we skip the talk, we are missing the chance to fully enjoy the ultimate intention of sex! Sex is designed to reinforce emotional intimacy with a physical act. Whenever possible we should take the time to shower our partner with words of affirmation, so they can feel wanted and connected to you.
You may wonder “Why words of praise? Can’t we just talk through the details of our day and that be enough? Do I really need to stop and compliment their physical appearance or let them know how attractive they are to me?” Just sharing is not enough because we all are born with an innate and powerful desire to be loved and wanted. In our marriages, we need more than just to share the information about our days (even though this is important). We need someone to truly want us.
The picture of love we see in Song of Songs is a powerful one. Everyone in their community knows about these lovers. They aren’t afraid to declare that they are each other's. Consequently, the pair is able to enjoy such security in their relationship. When they face conflict in their relationship, they know right where the other one will go when they need to cool off. They move past the fight and quickly back into each other's arms. The fact they proclaimed their love so plainly, showed it off so proudly, and invested in being emotionally connected made conflict something they would fare well.
How do you think the people in your life would describe the love you share in your marriage? Would they know how much you admire your husband or wife by the way you talk about them? Sweet talk is not just shared one-on-one but should be a part of your every conversation about your spouse. Your best friends should be able to assure your spouse that they are wholeheartedly loved by you because they hear how you talk about them.
Intimacy only grows when we feel comfortable in each and every circumstance with our spouse. If we are speaking in negative terms about our spouses in public, it’s going to be very hard for them to feel comfortable and open in private.
Practice going out of your way to verbalize the things you find irresistible about your spouse. Is there something about the way they look you adore? If so, it’s time you tell them! Do you admire their work ethic or creativity? Let them know. Maybe there is a task they take care of that you can go out of your way to thank them for. All those sweet words add up to setting the right environment in your marriage for closeness.
Amanda Idleman is a wife, homeschooling Momma to three amazing kids and is passionate about encouraging others to live joyfully. Amanda also loves to write as a freelance writer and on her blog (when she finds a spare moment for it). You can find out more about Amanda at her blog rvahouseofjoy.wordpress.com or follow her on Instagram at rvahouseofjoy.
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